Aw!, Fuck!, I Missed It!

I missed my blog's one-year anniversary; then again, who cares? But indeed, I've been writing for more than a year now, and the world is not better off for it: I've deviated from this blog's original mission (making fun of my country and related subjects), my writing has grown ever more contrived and recherché, and I've started absolutely no debate whatsoever: the dearth of comments and replies for my posts is terrifying.

But I shall keep trying, dear readers, for my opinion continues to be completely indispensable to me. So, to the few fans I have:

1. Keep on reading, people, I love you all dearly;
2. Write some fucking comments once in a while; and
3. Rate my posts, that's why I've made available a rating system in the first place!!!!!

So World, I'm still here (and you're still there, apparently). Cheerio.

GTA VI: Mario's World

The music below would probably be part of the soundtrack for the sixth version of Grand Theft Auto, where Mario, a crazy Italo-American plumber turned sociopath, decides to take on the Camorra in Naples. It will feature Mario as the main character; Luigi as the crazy brother who does the accounting and kills people by plumbing their brains or some shit; that Princess (I forget her name) as Mario's main babe (actually, she'll be a hooker-cum-girlfriend, pimped out by that mushroom guy, who'll eventually be killed by Mario in, like, the tenth mission of the game); and Bowser as head of the Camorra. Nintendo might throw in Space Fox as the DA, or maybe even the mayor.

Obs.: Nintendo, I do expect payment for this idea; 5% of gross sales should suffice.

Songs I Loathe, pt. 1

And loathe, my friends, is exactly the right word, for the songs that shall be featured in my Diary's new series are compositions I goddamn fucking hate (detest, I'm afraid, is too light a word to describe my feelings towards the music contained herein).

And the first song, which came to mind almost immediately, is Believe, by the ever so musically untalented (and living?) Cher. As with most songs in this soon-to-be-hugely-popular series, my reasons for such ill will must remain, at best, unconvincing: it's all completely subjective, I still love Marina Lima, and -let's be honest- who says I actually know what I'm talking about?

But Believe just kills me: very weak lyrics, that annoying pitch shift effect for her voice, her tone, it's all just awful. Worst, it's one of those songs that, like those of Matchbox 20, are so impeccably well-written that they become duller than Bob Dole on qualudes.



And then there's that other paradigm of mediocrity, Ebony and Ivory, with Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney. The song reminds me of the Wiemar Republic: it looks really good on paper, it fills our hearts with high hopes, and then comes crashing down on us by simply sucking so very, very much. I mean, just copy/pasting the video's code already has my brain scrambling for shelter.